I see what you did there, MiserAlba. The old "I'll just bend over and pretend like I'm fixing my pants so it looks like the hot topless piece behind me is tapping it from the back and if he accidentally runs into my nalgas, even better!" trick. Bitch, please. I've overused that trick so many times and it's the main reason why I've been banned from every running track in NYC.
"The thing that really drives any man wild is pointing your tongue and working it up, around, and into the hole in his dick. Whether a guy has an almost tongue-sized hole or a very little one, he'll love you tongueing it out."
Nobody can guarantee that nothing like that can happen to anyone, who for some "unknown" reason, it may not very well be an alcohol will get a shit load of 'unbroken whites' in their system?
Photos: intimfitness.com.
A Russian woman has set a new world record, lifting a 14-kg glass ball with her vagina muscles. Tatiana Kozhevnikova of Novosibirsk, aged 42, has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years.
“After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls”, she said. “I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!”
Leave it to three memaws to perfectly sum up Kim Kardashian in one simple sentence: "She's just laying there!" I became these three memaws' fan at "His tongue is as long as his dick!" and I became their biggest fan at "His nose is in her cligh-toris!"
Do they take requests, because I need them to guide me through the Chyna sex tape. Shit, I need them to guide me through all sex tapes. They need their own show on Comedy Central. They can call it Granny Got Porn or Werther's Original Theater 2012.
But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right"
The pervy kid from your Sunday School class has a brand new anthem. Now get a taste of his potion and do it in slow motion:
“I log in on Facebook / And I start to look at them pics / And it make my dick so hard / I feel the pressure rising girl / Rising for you / And I’m finna jack off / Jack off to you / Girl you got me feeling, feeling like I love you / And I want you, I’m jacking off to you”
A pensioner and his wife are evicted from their multi-million euro home in one of the Ireland's most exclusive neighbourhoods.
Footage taken by a neighbour and posted online shows Irish police and baliffs removing Asta Kelly, 63 and her husband Brendan, 71 from their five-bedroom house in St Matthias Wood, Killiney, Co Dublin. The couple were evicted on Wednesday after falling behind on mortgage payments, believed to total around €2 million, to the Anglo Irish Bank. Neighbours looked on in horror as the couple, who have lived in the luxury house for eight years, were brought screaming from their home after bailiffs reportedly forced their way through the front door with a crowbar. Mr and Mrs Kelly then refused to leave the front driveway of their home, but were eventually manhandled off the property by bailiffs as police prevented bystanders attempts to intervene. The elderly couple, who have a portfolio of rental properties, are now camped outside the house for which they reportedly paid €3.4 million and is now on the market for €2.2 million. After the eviction, Mr Kelly told Irish media that he had previously attempted to renegotiate their mortgage with their bank, and that the couple wanted to regain entry to their home. "I want to get back into my house. My office is there. I can't work…We have no clothes. We have been put out of our family home."I talked to (the bank the day before yesterday) and asked them to postpone the eviction…Finances have somewhat improved in the last two or three weeks. They refused to postpone it."
The video has prompted much consternation in Ireland with protests at the Dublin sheriff's office and the country's deputy prime minister calling the scenes "distressing".
However, the Kellys' plight has been looked upon less sympathetically by others who feel little pity for the asset-rich couple who claim lease agreements prevent them from moving into one of their other properties.
Having previously run a successful textile business in northern Germany, the pair sold up and invested their money in the Irish property market before the country's economy crashed in 2008.
Good news, ladies! Society has discoveredanother new thing that's wrong with you, which means another opportunity for you to make yourself more attractive for your man. Score! Turns out, the color of your vagina is gross and everyone hates it. So bleach that motherfucker. Bleach it right now!
In this commercial for an Indian product called Clean and Dry Intimate Wash, a (very light-skinned) couple sits down for whatwould have been a peaceful cup of morning coffee—if the woman's disgusting brown vagina hadn't ruined everything! The dude can't even bring himself look at her. He can't look at his coffee either, because it only reminds him of his wife's dripping, coffee-brown hole! Fortunately, the quick-thinking woman takes a shower, scrubbing her swarthy snatch with Clean and Dry Intimate Wash ("Freshness + Fairness"). And poof! Her vadge comes out blinding white like a downy baby lamb (and NOT THE GROSS BLACK KIND) and her husband—whose penis, I can only assume, is literally a light saber—is all, "Hey, lady! Cancel them divorce papers and LET'S BONE."
Needless to say, certain citizens are troubled by this product—which, in addition to just being fucking insane, brings up painful issues about the hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. As if it isn't bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses arebeing imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are??? Splendid! God, I was just saying the other day that my misogyny didn't have enough racism in it.
So what are the pro-vadge-bleaching people thinking? Here's a hilarious explanation from a male ad exec:
It is hard to deny that fairness creams often get social commentators and activists all worked up. What they should do is take a deep breath and think again. Lipstick is used to make your lips redder, fairness cream is used to make you fairer-so what's the problem? I don't think any Youngistani today thinks the British Raj/White man is superior to us Brown folk. That's all 1947 thinking!
The only reason I can offer for why people like fairness, is this: if you have two beautiful girls, one of them fair and the other dark, you see the fair girl's features more clearly. This is because her complexion reflects more light. I found this amazing difference when I directed Kabir Bedi, who is very fair and had to wear dark makeup for Othello, the Black hero of the play. I found I had to have a special spotlight following Kabir around the stage because otherwise the audience could not see his expressions.
See? It makes perfect sense. We just want our vaginas to reflect more light—is that so wrong? I mean, WHAT IF MY CAR BREAKS DOWN AT NIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE A REFLECTIVE ENOUGH VAGINA? Really, the ultimate one-vagina-to-rule-them-all would glow in the dark like one of those deep-sea fishes. I need my vagina to attract more krill so my husband will fuck me again! (My husband is a whale.)
Basically the idea is to get as far away as possible from any color that vaginas actually come in. Because that's what's at the heart of this type of thinking—the perfect vagina would be something that's not a vagina at all.
Plenty of rumors have been flying around about a Whitney Houston biopic, and the late singer’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, allegedly wants to take on the role should a film be put into production.
While no plans for a movie have been made public, Bobbi Kristina is reportedly telling friends that she is the perfect person to play her mother because no one knew the iconic singer better.
Rihanna also recently revealed that she would “love” to play Houston in a film based on her life.
“That would be something that I would have to give my entire life to do, because I would really want to pull it off,” said the singer. “That’s a huge, huge role and whoever does it has to do a good job.”
In the current cold snap, Britain feels more like Siberia, and - it seems - it looks like it, too, judging from Ian Wylie's picture of a snow-capped Russian Orthodox Church in Chiswick, west London.
Gemma Arterton is in the March issue of Vogue, on sale from Monday 6th February.
Gemma Arterton says she has posed for her last 'sexy' men's magazine shoot as she takes control of her career.
The star of Tamara Drewe and Tess of the D’Urbervilles has been approached to star in a film adaptation of Henrik Ibsen's The Master Builder after appearing in a London stage version last year.
It is a long way from the early days of her career, when she made her breakthrough as Bond girl Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace.
Arterton told Vogue magazine that she has mixed feelings about being a sex symbol and will not be posing in her underwear again.
"I did this photoshoot for a men’s magazine a couple of years ago that was quite sexy, I suppose, but I don’t think I’d do anything like that again,” she said.
“When it came out, I felt awkward, like I’d done something dirty. My mum was quite upset when she saw it.”
Arterton, 26, said that her early roles "served their purpose" but she is now choosy about film roles and determined to portray strong women on screen.
"When I read the script, I'm like, 'Hmph! No.'
"I think it happens in most jobs where women aren't equal. You have to fight through that barrier and when you do, you feel emancipated and you can do your thing."
Arterton won critical acclaim for her role in independent film The Disappearance of Alice Creed and her next role is in Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, a Hollywood production which she describes as "a cross between Pan's Labyrinth and Kill Bill".
Also to come is Byzantium, which promises to be a "neo-feminist vampire movie".
The actress's refusal to conform to Hollywood's size zero ideal has led to some rude comments. She recalled: "There was one reporter on the red carpet who said, 'How does it feel to know the press think you're fat?' And I said, 'How does it feel to know you're ugly and unintelligent?'
"It was the equivalent of me giving him a wallop. I nearly did, actually."
Arterton believes that her acting career is being guided by a guardian angel.
She said that white feathers appear wherever she goes - proof, in her mind, that an angel is watching over her.
“My mum is very psychic and believes in angels. I suppose it sounds quite twee when you describe it that way. But I have these feathers that follow me everwhere,” she explained.
“My mum told me that whenever there’s a white feather, it’s your guardian angel. I think my guardian angel is my nan. When I arrived in Berlin [to shoot Hansel and Gretel], I opened my suitcase and there was this big white feather on top. And I thought, ‘How did that get there?’ This happens a lot.”
On another occasion she went to audition for a film about which she had mixed feelings, and found a white feather in her pocket. “I decided not to do the movie. It just wasn’t right. It’s weird, isn’t it?”
:: The full interview is in the March issue of Vogue, on sale now.
Decades before you surfed the musical waves on Pandora and Spotify, ethnomusicologist Alan Lomaxenvisioned a "global jukebox" that could publicly circulate the wealth of musical recordings he collected over years of fieldwork.
Who is Alan Lomax you ask? He was the preeminent musical folklorist in the United States whose 1930s field recordings in the American South introduced blues and folk music to a larger audience. He was the first to record Muddy Waters and Woody Guthrie, and he is arguably responsible for the folk boom of the 1960s that delivered us among others, Bob Dylan. To put it mildly, he was paramount to that era's powder-keg of pop-music revolution.
Who is Alan Lomax you ask? He was the preeminent musical folklorist in the United States whose 1930s field recordings in the American South introduced blues and folk music to a larger audience. He was the first to record Muddy Waters and Woody Guthrie, and he is arguably responsible for the folk boom of the 1960s that delivered us among others, Bob Dylan. To put it mildly, he was paramount to that era's powder-keg of pop-music revolution.
And now Lomax's dream of a global jukebox is closer to fruition than ever with word that his vast archive -- 5,000 hours of sound recordings, 400,000 feet of film, 3,000 videotapes, 5,000 photographs and piles of manuscripts -- is being digitized so it can be made available online. By the end of February, 17,000 tracks of Lomax's recordings will be released for free streaming online.
Most interesting -- from a tech standpoint -- is that when personal computers became available, Lomax used them to develop methods for classifying music. In his quest to identify similarities among musical styles from around the world, Lomax's systems were quite similar to the algorithms used today by music streaming sites like Pandora.
"Alan was doubly utopian, in that he was imagining something like the Internet based on the fact he had all this data and a set of parameters he thought of as predictive,” Columbia University music professor, John Szwed told the New York Times. Swed in also the author of “Alan Lomax: The Man Who Recorded the World.”
“But" Lomax "was also saying that the whole world can have all this data too," Szwed added, "and it can be done in such a way that you can take it home."
